Duncan Doonot lived in central London. He was 63 years old. One day he decided to go to the Natural History Museum so he took his car and raced over.

When he arrived he found the most ridiculous parking space ever, with 3 and a half centimetres to spare. Reversing, he hit the car behind him, setting off an alarm that went bonkers. Once parked, he made a break for it and headed for the vast entrance, hoping to get lost in the crowd. He ran heading into a tyrannosaurus rex, he then decided to go upstairs to see the mammals of Africa. He skipped the rest and headed downstairs to the gift shop. On his way down he accidentally tripped over his shoelace. Struggling to keep his balance, he reached for the handrail but there wasn’t one so he grabbed the nearest object to steady his fall. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a one-million-year-old £25 million vase that flew out of his grasp and came crashing down breaking into 101.103 million pieces. Just at that moment, the museum director came walking by.

‘WHO DID THIS?’ he cried.

‘Me,’ answered Duncun, as he sat pulling pieces of vase out of his arm at the bottom of the stairs.

The museum director pulled out his cell phone and called the police.

‘Can you please send the police force to the Natural History Museum on Exhibition Road as soon as possible?’

Five minutes later, 1,012 police cars came roaring to a stop in front of the museum.  Two thousand policemen came out and started surrounding the building, climbing aboard each other’s shoulders as the circle came round again.

Meanwhile, Duncun looked out at this scene and thought for a second. He remembered there was a law that stated that if a museum does not have disability access functions, they are liable to be sued. He then decided to call his lawyer.

The lawyer came in two seconds.

‘What happened here?’

‘I accidentally tripped on my shoelace and broke a vase!’

‘Then why are there 2,000 policemen outside?’

‘That’s why I called you.’

‘If that’s the case I have some information for you. Did you know that if you’re disabled you can sue the museum for not having a handrail?’

‘Oh, that’s good,’ said Duncan. ‘I will agree to that.’

‘OK, I will talk to the museum director and we’ll have a court date for you.’

The lawyer whisked over to the director’s office.

(To Be Continued in A Pointless Court Case 2)